Facebook FAILURE
by Rameez M Virji on Jul.18, 2010, under Life
I’ve seen many Facebook fails on the internet, but when they happen to you, they are just ten times funnier and more horribly pathetic. I just love these.
The first fail occurred a while back. It was during the Stanley Cup Playoffs. In my city, EVERYONE follows the Stanley Cup Playoffs. In my city, if you don’t know the Stanley Cup Playoffs, you at least know the names of the teams, and are informed immediately after every game who won and who lost.
This was shortly after the Pittsburgh Penguins (The Pens) lost the Stanley Cup (
)
More recently, a much funnier one occurred:
I posted this image on Facebook, and spurred a torrent of comments. The victim was still confused. Another confused person joined the fray. And then, my brother became a hero to me:
Oh god, I love him.
Hey there, Khalaila
by Rameez M Virji on Jul.04, 2010, under Life
EDIT: I just found out that there is already another version of Hey There, Khalaila by Remy. I have no affiliation with that, but you should check it out because it is also awesome: http://goremy.com/khalilahlyrics.html SORRY REMY!
I’m at a camp called Shad Valley, and there’s this cool guy from Iraq named Yehyah. When another cool kid named Mark was playing Hey There Delilah by the Plain White Tees on his guitar, Yehyah devised these parody lyrics. No offense intended, only meant to be a joke. I’ve modified a few parts.
The whole point of this song is not to enforce stereotypes, but rather to ridicule them. The song was written to show the ridiculousness of the stereotype against the middle eastern countries. The point is, the stereotype is wrong.
Here’s the song:
Hey there Khalaila
What’s it like in Baghdad City?
I’m a thousand miles away
But habibi, you look so pretty
In your Hijab.
Suicide bombers can’t burn as bright as you
and damn those Jews.
Hey there Khalaila
Don’t you worry about the distance
I’ll call Osama if you get lonely
He’ll get me there so quickly
Close your eyes
Listen to my voice, it’s my disguise
Hummus is nice, but…
Oh the food here’s disgusting
Oh, the food here’s disgusting
Oh, the food here’s disgusting
Oh, the food here’s disgusting
So damn disgusting…
Hey there Khalaila
I know times are getting hard
But just believe me,
Habibi, I just need a few more hours
Until the time,
The bomb will go off killing those slime,
Victory will be mine.
Hey there Khalaila
I’m only here another day
As soon as the IED goes off,
I’m taking the next plane
Back to Iraq.
These damn Americans just suck,
They eat duck, but
Oh they burn kabobs, my dear
Oh they burn kabobs, my dear
Oh they burn kabobs, my dear
Oh they burn kabobs, my dear
A thousand miles seems pretty far
But they’ve got planes and trains and cars
I’ll bomb them, I’ll have no other way.
Our friends will all make fun of us
But we’ll just enjoy our hummus,
Because I got connections to do them away.
Khalaila I can promise you
That by the time we get through
America will never ever be the same
But they’re to blame.
Hey there Khalaila
I’ll be finishing my mission,
Two more hours and there will be a mess
And I’ll be regarded as the best bomber
You’ll know it’s all because of Jews
We can do whatever we want to
Hey there Khalaila here’s to you
This one’s for you…
Oh I miss you so, mummy
Oh I miss you so, mummy
Oh I miss you so, mummy
Oh I miss you so, mummy
Miss you so, mummy.
The most hectic day EVER!
by Rameez M Virji on Jun.28, 2010, under Life
That was the longest day of my life. I blogged previously just before leaving Calgary, to go on a trip that would end up like hell. Here’s how it went:
First, I got shafted for not showing up early enough (I missed the cutoff by just a few minutes). Alright, understandable. From there, it just went downhill. I shuffled onto the old 737 and discovered to my horror that I was squeezed beside a morbidly obese woman who smelled strongly of unspeakable things. Disgusting, and for 3.25 hours. Not fun. I decided I could take my mind off of it by watching the movies on the flight. Guess what? THE ENERTAINMENT SYSTEM WAS DOWN. Dammit. Okay, let’s sleep, shall we? Nope, the weather is so bad that the ride is turbulent, and there’s a %^@$*! loud baby in the back screaming its head off. Don’t get me wrong, I love babies. They are precious and cute. This baby, however, deserved to get punched in the gut. It was the most annoying baby I have EVER had the misfortune to see/hear. So no sleep. Let’s read? Nah, the magazines are all in French, which I’m too lazy to read. Let’s… use the laptop. Battery died. Dammit, I gotta spend the rest of the flight looking out the window, bored out of my mind.
My relief was insurmountable after we (roughly) touched down amidst a lightning storm in Toronto. Although my neck was jarred from the jolt of hitting the runway, I was thankful to get away from Mrs. McDonald’s. Now, everything is to be smooth, right?
Wrong.
I stood waiting for the flight to Thunder Bay and met up with some other fellow teens going to the same program (Shad). I met up with Dennis, Arman, Jeff and Kavita, who were really friendly and helpful, and had to go through the same hell as me. These guys actually were about to land in Thunder Bay, but were re-routed mid flight to go to Winnipeg, then come back to Toronto (Jeff and Kavita’s home city) to go to Thunder Bay. Sadly, Thunder Bay lived up to it’s name, and our flight was cancelled due to a thunder storm. The irony only made it more painful for the five of us. We were to go and pick up our bags, then go to customer service to get new flights. Simple, right? Nothing can go wrong now… ARE YOU KIDDING ME? They lost one of my bags! Dammit, we waited at baggage claim for 1.5 hours, and had to file a claim for it. Then we went up, and realized that what we had gone through was nothing compared to what was in store for us.
The line was like 1.5 hours long. When we finally reached the desk, it turned out we had to split up 
. They gave us tickets, vouchers for food and hotel vouchers for the Delta hotel. We noticed that although Arman and I had $40 vouchers for food, poor Dennis only got $20. I think it’s because he’s asian. Kavita and Jeff decided to go home for the night. Kavita, Arman and Dennis were booked for 8:30 am tomorrow, and Jeff and I were booked for 4:30 pm. Just as we were about to leave to go to the hotel, the lady came running up to us. Turned out the hotel we were booked for didn’t support vouchers. We waited for 30 more minutes and then got a new hotel. Tired, hungry and pooped, we decide to quickly grab a bite to eat and wait outside for the shuttle. We waited, and waited. After I had finished my salad, with no sign from the hotel (Quality Inn), I began to get worried. After 1 hour of waiting, we decided to call the hotel. Guess what? Quality Inn doesn’t support vouchers either.
We rushed back to the desk, pissed. The lady was very rude, and booked us a new hotel very reluctantly. When we asked for a verification phone call, she gave us the professional equivalent of ‘screw off’. Angrier than ever, we waited for the shuttle. At last it came, and thanking the heavens, we plunked ourselves down. We had just been commenting on how the day couldn’t get any worse when we reached the hotel to meet an hour long line of other West Jet victims. We finally checked in, and as we got the room, Arman and Dennis shorgunned the beds. I gad to sleep on the couch. I can’t, because I’m hungry, (I only ate a salad for the whole day), so I’m blogging.
To sum it all up,
FML. Screw West Jet, I’m taking Air Canada next time.
I hope tomorrow doesn’t suck as much.It’s 3 AM, and we just got in the hotel room 15 minutes ago.
At the airport…
by Rameez M Virji on Jun.27, 2010, under Life
I am currently writing this using YYC’s free airport internet while sitting waiting for my flight to Shad Valley. I decided to blog about airports. So here goes.
ALWAYS REMEMBER TO COME *AT LEAST* 90 MINUTES EARLY!
This really screwed me over today. I came 60 minutes before my flight (it’s a domestic one, so 60 mins should be fine, right? WRONG.) Because so many people are going on vacation, it was really busy, and I ended up trying to check in 8 minutes later than the deadline. 
I couldn’t believe it when they said I can’t make my flight. They had to reschedule me to a later flight which means I’ll be arriving at Shad 8 hours later than originally planned 
. So ALWAYS REMEMBER, come 90 mins early at least.
Anyways, when I got to airport security, there was a major hold-up. Some idiot uninformed person brought a bunch of liquids in their carry on. Good job, moron, now I was stuck standing with the scary security guys waiting. Finally I went through, got an extra pat-down because I’m brown, and ended up here.
I will blog again throughout the Shad Valley program to keep you informed.
Shazam
by Ali Vira on Jun.21, 2010, under Uncategorized
And we’re back! Did you miss us?
My Trip to Vietnam and Cambodia
by Rameez M Virji on Jun.20, 2010, under Life
This spring, I travelled to Vietnam and Cambodia on a humanitarian trip with my school. (Look for the videos on It Asploded! soon!) I thought I might share with you the final journal entry I made after the trip, which summarized the whole experience:
Final Reflections Journal – Rameez M Virji
Travelling to Vietnam and Cambodia was truly an eye-opening experience for me. It was my first time in Asia, and initially I was extremely excited to visit Vietnam. In the end, however, it was Cambodia which I enjoyed the most. When we first arrived in Saigon, I was impressed by the hot temperature and beautiful scenery. The palm trees on the sidewalks were contrasted with the thousands of mopeds on the road. I enjoyed bartering when we went to the markets; it was really different from what we were used to back in Canada. The food, however, was great the first day, but then it got old really quick. How many times can you eat fish on rice every single day? Going to visit the school for the handicapped is an experience I will never forget. I can easily recall the happy faces of the students I managed to communicate with over there, even though they were deaf. I felt very appreciative after I left, and counted my blessings. The Cu Chi tunnels were also very impressive. Who knew the Vietnamese could be so cunning in their disguises? The tunnels and hiding spots were very intelligently crafted, as were the traps set for the intruders. Crawling through the tunnels was no mean feat either; the narrow walls and low ceiling made it hard for even a skinny guy like me to pass through. Cooking Vietnamese food was very simple, and it felt good to eat consume the fruits of our labour (literally). Cambodia, however, was the best part of the trip. Visiting the genocide museum and the killing fields was very heavy on me. I still cannot comprehend how anybody could do such things to their own people. Reading about it is one thing, but seeing it up close, with the skulls of the victims grinning in your face, that really hits home. It brings to mind what Mathieu told me – war never changes. We promise to never make the same mistakes again, and then we turn around and do it again right away. I still cringe at the thought of the tree on which they bashed the heads of innocent children to murder them. Seeing the blood-stained tiles in the classroom floors where it happened, and reading the blatantly horrible rules on the board really sent a shiver through my spine. Cambodia was hotter than Vietnam, and more humid, so we were practically roasting. As Mr. Bennett said himself every single day… forecast for today – hot! The food in Cambodia was much better. It felt good to dig my teeth into flesh that wasn’t from the water. Angkor Wat was spectacular. It was indubitably the highlight of my trip. Although it was promoted nearly everywhere in Cambodia, including the nation’s flag, I never thought it could be this amazing. It felt like an Indiana Jones movie, and just walking around the place examining the intricate designs filled me with a sense of awe. I imagine it would have taken the workers forever to carve all the details out by hand. The fact that people still went there to pray further amazed me. It was nothing short of beautiful. The Night Markets in Siem Reap were also very nice. I enjoyed bartering again and receiving something very new to me – a fish massage. When the little suckerfish swam up and began to pluck at my feet, I instantly pulled out. However, once I got used to it, I realized it provided my feet with a soothing, cleaning treatment which was much appreciated. Well worth one dollar for twenty minutes. Finally, building the playground for the orphanage was a lot of fun. Especially painting. I got paint almost everywhere on my body, even in my teeth, which probably wasn’t good for me. When the job was done, though, I felt so good. When the children begun to play on the set, I felt so proud and happy that my work was going to provide an entire community with fun for years to come. It felt good. Before I forget, I also enjoyed filming it all in extensive detail, which annoyed everyone, but I’m pretty soon they’ll all appreciate it when they watch it later.
That’s all, folks!
Chicago finally wins the cup!
by Ali Virji on Jun.10, 2010, under Sports
After 49 years of wait, the young, fast and extremely talented Chicago Blackhawks won the prestigious Stanley Cup in 6 games. Facing the seventh seeded Philadelphia Flyers who surprised everyone by making it to the cup finals. Lead by Jonathon Toews, Patrick Kane and “Big Buff” (Dustin Byufglien), the Hawks won game six in overtime to take the cup home in Philadelphia. Patrick Kane got the winning goal from a wicked shot at a sharp angle that no one except for Kane saw. He responded by screaming and skating to Antti Niemi, the Finnish goalkeeper who was spectacular in the playoffs. Toews became the second youngest captain in the history of the NHL to hoist the cup, after Sidney Crosby who got it last year. He also won the Conn Smythe trophie for the playoffs MVP with an amazing 7 goals and 22 assists. Marian Hossa finally hoisted the cup after 2 years of losing in the finals with two separate teams. Big Buff came up really big in the playoffs scoring many important game winning goals against Vancouver and San Jose. His presence around the net was felt throughout the whole series. Hopefully next year the Flames can win it!
Some of the funniest pictures I have ever seen!
by Rameez M Virji on Nov.11, 2009, under Uncategorized
I have some really funny pictures on my computer, and I thought I might share my compilation with the world. So, without further ado, I present to you, the funniest pictures I have ever seen on the internet. Viewer discretion is advised (some crude language).
Whoo! Long time, no blog!
by Rameez M Virji on Jul.18, 2009, under Life
Hey guys, long time, no blog. I’ve actually been really really busy with a lot of different things. I’m at summer camp! Let me back up a bit. My last post was after finals had finished. Man, was I ever relieved! However, I barely had any time to relax, because my family and I were headed off to a week-long road trip. We had to drive from Calgary to Los Angeles… a 3-day trip! Man, was it ever sweaty in that car… heh. 5 people, 1 Toyota Corolla. How does that sound? But it was fun. Lots of fun! We went to LA and spent most of our time at Six Flags Mountain. Friggin AMAZING! There’s this one ride called X2, which is the coolest and most sensory-disorienting ride I’ve ever been on. You go upside-down while zooming in a dive towards the ground (like with rotating seats so you’re facing straight down!!!) while fire shoots at you and metal music blasts at you while you fly through the fog. Anyways, this place had the fastest and coolest rides on the planet. We did other stuff in LA, like going to the beach, and I got to get a VIP tour of Warner Bros Studios (the guys who make the Harry Potter films). Here I got to see real props and stuff from the Harry Potter films (cool) and from other movies, followed by a tour of the whole studio, where I saw sets from movies like Spider-Man (the kissing scene place, even though it was a Sony Columbia film) and You Don’t Mess with the Zohan (the barber shop, the street, and the electronics store). I also got to see the full set for Two and a Half men, which is a funny hilarious sitcom I like love. Anyways, we drove to Vegas after that, but I can’t tell you anything because what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas. (I’m gonna kill myself for saying that). Anyways, after that we drove back home and I had a few days of relaxation before heading off to camp. I was gonna blog about camp, but I got lazy. Maybe I’ll do it one day. For now, though, ciao… I gotta go do my uniform. (boo!)
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